i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
