I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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