I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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