What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
