Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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