she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
