and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
