Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
