She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
