Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Just puked most of my soul out..
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