I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
