Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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