I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
