I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
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