I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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