The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
