Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
