There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
