You can't motorboat a personality
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
You did what with his pubic hair?
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