DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
