Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I got inside last night via doggy door
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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