his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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