he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
