But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
