if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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