the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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