If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
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