you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
