So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
