i just identified you from a description of your pipe
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Randomize
