chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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