I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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