You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
