Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
