You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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