lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
