i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
