What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
