i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
