I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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