So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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