____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
