dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
