woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
