So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
