I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
