i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
