Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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