just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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