I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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