You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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