how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
